Self Care And Guilt

Self-care and Guilt........ one is something we rarely think about or do for ourselves and the other is a place where we can plant ourselves in, all the while struggling to release it from our lives. You may be thinking these are two separate topics, why would she choose to discuss them together. Let me explain:

I’d like to look at self-care, and the role that guilt plays in it. Let’s start with this question:

when you feel guilt in your life is taking time to rest and to nurture yourself a priority?

For me the answer was a resounding “definitely not!” Guilt can have a devastating affect on our mind, body, and spirit. Let’s take a moment and look at each area separately.

(Remember these are my observations from my experiences, but I believe many of you can relate to what I am about to say.)

First let’s look at the Mind:

The guilt was all consuming. It slipped in and controlled my thoughts.

For instance in the case of saying hurtful things to others, once the words were out there was no taking them back. Guilt then stepped into its role of making me feel terrible and wondering how I could ever have let those words slip past my lips. I would then go over and over the scenario dissecting it from every angle. How could I make what I felt I had said wrong; right.

There are different types of guilt but I won’t get into them today. Today I want to look at guilt as a whole not each individual type.

Guilt is felt differently by everyone. For those with depression and/or anxiety it can be more intensified. The longer we carry around guilt it can affect our sense of self-worth and for me this is exactly what happened. Over time I began to believe I didn’t deserve anything; especially love. I let guilt convince me I was unlovable and everyone should hate me for how was acting or had acted. Soon I began hating myself for allowing guilt to consume me and not being able to shake it off.

Now let’s look at our Body:

Guilt played not only a large role in my mind and mood but also my stress level. The dreary feelings of sadness eventually wore me down. The process of always trying to think things through and figure it out lead to mental exhaustion and in turn physical fatigue set in. I think we all know where stress leads… to stomach upset, loss of appetite, muscle tension, insomnia, and if severe enough to many other health ailments. The list is endless.

But where I’d like to focus most of my attention is in our Spirit:

Because I believe that when we are feeling crushed in our spirit by feelings of worthlessness, self-hatred, or guilt (and I’m sure there are many more negative things we can add to this list) we then begin to see the world around us differently.

For me I began pulling away from others isolating myself in loneliness, and fear. Anxiety took over my life to the point of almost being housebound. Panic attacks had become a part of my everyday life and before I knew it I was diagnosed with Agoraphobia. The definition of agoraphobia is “an intense fear of being in open places or in situations where it may be hard to escape, or where help may not be available”. In future posts I will briefly share other things in my life that lead to this diagnoses. By this point I believed that I was not only hating my self but expecting others to hate and abandon me as well, because that was what I was use to. I felt I was nothing but a burden to my family and friends and the burden of guilt I carried only increased and became stronger and stronger as the years past.

By the time I had been territorial bound, (as I like to call it) stuck in my hometown for 15 years unable to leave the town limits; my connection to God was unraveling. I was angry at the world, I was angry at God, but worst of all I was angry at myself and this only deepened my guilt and self-hatred.

This is where I want to connect the two: self-care and guilt.

Guilt sabotages our self-care.

The more guilt I carried in my mind, body, and spirit the more I struggled to care for even my basic need. Just trying to get out of bed in the morning became a challenge. Somewhere along my journey of carrying the burden of guilt depression also set in. I was a mess and felt like I was a runaway train about to collide into a train wreck.

You will hear me say these two words a lot in the future…..But God….

When I finally came to the end of myself and confronted my anger towards God (as well as others) for what I thought was them abandoning me. This is when God stepping lovingly in and began to take not only the guilt but all of the brokenness in my life and began to make me whole again.

As God began this journey of healing me step by step, moment by moment, and for me breath by breath; I began to realize others hadn’t abandoned me this was just how all the guilt (among other things) I was carrying made me perceive things. When the revelation hit me that God hadn’t abandoned me, that I had drifted away from him; my life drastically began to change for the better.

These were the verses that was part of that revelation.

“So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.”

Deuteronomy 31:6 NLT

“Jesus Christ is the same yesterday, today, and forever.”

Hebrews 13:8 NLT

“I will ask the Father, and he will give you another helper who will be with you forever. That helper is the Spirit of Truth. The world cannot accept him, because it doesn’t see or know him. You know him, because he lives with you and will be in you. “I will not leave you all alone. I will come back to you.”

John 14:16-18 GW (this is Jesus speaking)

and this final verse,

“I am convinced that nothing can ever separate us from God’s love which Christ Jesus our Lord shows us. We can’t be separated by death or life, by angels or rulers, by anything in the present or anything in the future, by forces or powers in the world above or in the world below, or by anything else in creation.”

Romans 8:38-39 GW

When I finally accepted these verses as truth instead of what I had heard from others and convinced myself to believe in my younger years, my life changed. I began living again. And not only that I wanted to be the best version of myself, I wanted to follow what I was learning. As I read my Bible more and more I began to want to be who I knew in my heart God had created me to be. So guess what…….

“I began to take care of myself!!!”

My whole self….. mind, body, and spirit.

Today I no longer have panic attacks.

I no longer am confined within the town limits

I am medication free

letting go of guilt and self-hatred has helped me to shift my mindset and step back onto the road towards loving myself in a healthy unique way. (remember we all have a special uniqueness about us)

But best of all……

Guilt no longer holds me in its grip!!! I have learned healthy ways to deal with it!

I pray that what I have shared today will encourage you to:

-step out.

-Be who you were created to be.

-Step into your future and let your imagination and creativity flow

-pick up your dreams and fly with them.

But most of all…….

Trust that Gods bigger plan for you is already lining up and falling into place.

For me surrendering to God was not a one time thing it became a daily practice.

A practice that can be challenging at time, but so worth it! ……. Letting Go And Letting God!!

Next week I will be sharing with you my 90 day program titled “Loving You, Embracing Yourself” In this program are many of the steps God helped me implement into my daily practices in many other areas of my life not just around guilt. I pray you will join me. I’m so excited to share it with you! Until then….. Have a great week!

God Bless,

Donna😊